For my real one, go to www.benna.org now.
Okay. It's up.
HeyHalo.org
Okay. It's up.
HeyHalo.org
HeyHalo.org
Check it.
I hope everyone had a nice Christmas. Mine was, well, weird. Christmas with the family...extended family. My dad's half-sister, who I didn't know existed, came with her family. She was very nice though, I didn't get to talk to her husband, Wendel, but her sons were really cool. Justin is a genius, Loren has high aspirations. I could sit and talk music with him all day. Evidentally, he's moving to California next month, in hopes of becoming a music producer. Pretty cool, eh? So, that extended, unknown part of the family was pretty cool.
I know you are all wondering about presents. Yes, I know you are. Tk's parents got me some pretty cool stuff. Her mom made me a snowman doorstop wearing a Hello Kitty Robe, with a matching HK Pillow. They also got me a map of the subways and bus stops in Chicago and a book of stuff to do. Nate got me this funny book called Porn For Women. It's a book of hot men saying cool things. "Have another piece of cake...I don't like you looking so thin..." Tk got be Cranium because it's 'a good friend-maker'. Mom got me some chicago stuff, too. A twin-sized blanket for the dorm, long underwear (haha), and a reed diffuser. Matt got me a shop-vac...which is weird, but really practical! He always gets me stuff I think i don't need, but it always ends up being handy. Last year it was jumper cables. Handy, but weird. Shelly and Jessy got me HP:Order of the Phoenix on DVD and a really cute backpack. Everybody gave me money towards a new lappy, which I immediatley bought. I love it. It was on super-sale and I only ended up putting down like..$150 of my own money, which was sweet. i got pretty stressed out about spending the money, but I needed one for school, so, get over it.
I also decided to buy a domain. They are fairly cheap, and the pagebuilders aren't that hard to use. The problem here, is that I don't know who to go through. Hostmonster? Domains.com? What do I use? What do I name it? Halo.com.org.net are all taken. Laaaaaaaaaaaaame.
Anyway, I have to go have lunch with my brothers. I'm out!
Okay, I couldn't stay away until after the first.
Quick update:
- Columbia is amazing. Hopefully I get all of my stuff in the next week. I'm starting to stress a bit.
- I love Justin Timberlake. Get over it.
- I'm putting in my two weeks at Borders Monday or Wednesday. Hopefully they hire me in the summer.
- Becca and I had a serious adventure in Coralville. Thank you, Beanie Cop.
- I'm FREEZING.
- Christmas is Tuesday and I finally have everything done. Almost.
- Dad hasn't started.
- My hands are super dry.
- I miss my friends. Love you guys. ALL of you.
I feel like I'm going to die within the next week. I am so tired. "Did you have your Borders Rewards card with you?" "Can you verify your address?" "Did you want whip cream on that?" "Any questions for the pharmacist?" These questions are going to be my demise, I'm pretty sure.
On top of it, the new girl at borders, Karyn is a heinous bitch.
No new blogs. No time. Miss you guys. See you after the first of the year.
Oh my freakin' God. I just realized today is the 7th. My final for english is due with 14th.
Two papers.
A final.
A bunch of quizes.
All due the 14th.
I can do it in a week, right?
I feel like I should update, but what's been going on is hard to convey with words. It takes movement, action, the rise and fall in your voice, expression...
mostly good stuff has been happening, which is truly a delight. Work is going well, aside from being called a bitch on a regular basis. School is going well too. haha... It's more than that though. There is a lot happening and it's hard to explain my feelings towards it. I woke up today feeling like yesterday didn't happen. Like it was a dream. Not because anything particularly amazing happened, and not because it was so awful I wished it hadn't happened. The week has felt very surreal for me though. The way I interact with those around me is so different than how I used to interact.
I came to a horrible realization last night, and it made me feel like a terrible person. I was a sad, sad girl in high school. A very 'woe is me' sort of person. I moved out and things got better for awhile. Don't get me wrong though, things got AWFUL for a while, too. But now, I'm in a steady environment. And I'm happy. Actually happy, too. Not the sort of happy that only lasts a few hours. It's more of a content feeling, I suppose. What makes me feel awful about this? The fact that I live with my dad. I always resented him in high school, and in retrospect, I'm not really sure why. I felt like he liked my brothers more than he liked me, but that's not accurate. Not at all, really. He was a bit weird with me for awhile, but hey, I'm the only girl, and the youngest. A double whammy. I felt like he was always talking down to me, and trying to discourage me from doing things I loved. In reality, he wasn't doing that. It's just that, with my brothers, he could prepare them to be let down. "Well, I know you want this, but it might not work out" is what he meant to say, but to me it always sounded like "You can't do this. you're not good enough so don't even try." I know that's not what he meant though.
i didn't live with him though. I lived with my mom. And, I'm ashamed to say it but, I took sides. I wish I hadn't. My mom used to tell me bad things about my dad, and let me get away with a lot. I used to skip school all the time. And if I failed a class it was "Oh well, you tried your best." The few times I stayed with my dad, if he found out about that stuff, my ass was grass. He grounded me. Maybe that's why I didn't like him. The whole 'enforcement of rules' thing.
She used to say bad things about him. She still does occaisionally. And, I know I'm an adult, but it still feels like I'm a child sometimes. Thrown into the middle of this, forced to take sides. Sometimes she calls me to see if he's driving me nuts. But he's not. He's not home everynight, so I still get privacy, but he's home enough that we can hang out. We watch tv together most Sunday nights. We eat dinner together sometimes, we talk, we hang out. He asks me questions about my life. My real life, not just work. About boys and friends and interests and what I did last night and what I'm doing tomorrow. It's weird. My dad is such a cool guy, and Ifeel like I missed out by being so resentful in high school.
This year I decided to buy Barb a Christmas present. I got her some nice wine glasses and a Hiptionary, because she doesn't know what a blog is. We chatted a bit last week, and it wasn't so bad. I mean, I'll never LOVE her or anything. I kind of figured she would fade out, but she's not. And my dad likes her. So maybe I should at least be nice to her. And perhaps not hate her. Her daughters are really nice, after all..
Does it make me a bad person to say this out loud? That I'm happier living with my dad than I was with my mom?
God, I hope she doesn't read this...
Quick update!
Scolded Mitch for not telling me about Xbox.
Had the worlds most delicious disgusting pizza. Mmmmmmmm
Hung out with my Dad.
Made fun of Barb.
Had a BLAST with Smashley.
Met the snowman of Christmas Past.
Got on some horses.
Saw Jesus.
Watched the Nativity Story.
Watched Zoolander.
Watched Shaun of the Dead.
Watched Because I said So.
Made hot chocolate.
Made cookies.
Bought Christmas presents that will blow your mind.
Tried to explain to my dad that Yellow Submarine is in fact on the album Revolver.
And my 'everything hurt everyday so...'
